Category: Feel the Fear

When I first wrote my reflection in this category, I had really gone through the fear of being vulnerable. And out of a blood rush I wrote ” I can handle it….bring it on!” I never thought I would actually do it. I mean, LIVE it, that I will volunteer to literally feel the FEAR. The word “Fear” is as small as love, kiss, fish, cat, dog….But when you face it…..it’s like a giant, terrifying Godzilla!!

Let me share few instances so that it’s more clear to you as to what do I mean by Godzilla, I mean Fear.

We had all gone to the Orsang trip a couple of years back as a staff nature trip. Basically, it was more of kids picnic, but my son backed out at the last moment. So I had to continue alone.

First fear: Travelling alone: I had never gone out on such a trip alone (without family/friends). I have always travelled either with a bunch of close friends or my family. But this was a kind of trip where I was technically alone. I knew all the staff members very well, but was still “alone”. You know what I mean!!

So, we reached our destination and there I faced my second fear: heights!!!! Ya, you understood, right!! Kruti got the entry tickets for everyone for all the activities. We were all very excited, clicked selfies, enjoyed swings, etc. I observed what others were doing and how they were doing. Frankly speaking, I was looking for a reason to motivate myself as, “Achha itna hi hae, ha, I can do that. It’s a child’s game.” But when reached the spot….. the child in me just ran off as if a rabid dog was after it. But I had chosen it and people were watching me (again, fear of being “Judged”). So I gathered all my courage to go on one of the smallest zip line which was technically for the “Beginners”. Before I tell that bhaiya to just hold on a second he just pushed me and I was like Ahhhhhhhh!!!! Are you mad, You stupid fellow!!!!!!

I could only feel my heart pounding like a dhol. But once I landed on the ground It was like wow!! That was awesome!! I was trembling like a leaf, literally, but it was awesome. I know what you are thinking. Yes, I did thank that bhaiya, but he was like…..usme kya hae….hum toh sabko hi dhakka marte hae…..Well Bhaiyaji, I don’t get such dhakkas everyday!!!

You must be thinking what’s the big deal in that. Well it is. Especially for a person like me who have been a creeper (always dependent) throughout my life, till that day, IT IS a big deal. Today when I think of that day I still get jitters, but not scared. Though my one fear is left: to get on the real zip line, but that will be some other day.:):)

So long story short, face your fear. Nothing can make you feel more alive than facing your fears. For a change, feel that blood rush!!!

Anita.

Hello,

This year we are reading the book, feel the fear and do it anyway. In the starting of session, I was thinking that I could read it alone. Why I am giving so much time to this and that I will get bored.

We started reading chapter wise and shared our fears. Pata hi nahi chala ki do din kaise beet gaye. We all were in empathy with each other and supported to overcome their fears. I realized that we all are in the same boat with more or less. I think this makes us human.

Fears, according to me, can be defined as your worries or things with which you got stuck. Even you know the solutions, you don’t want to come out because it makes you uncomfortable. You need to come out of your comfort zone or in other words, you need to grow.

Growth is natural but it could be restricted by us because of our fears.

When I heard that we are going to have personal development classes, I was as much in favour of it as I would be about running barefoot on a bed of nails!! But then when I started to attend, what we call ‘Life classes’ and came to know about things like paradigms, conditioning, death exercise, legitimate and illegitimate, principles of love; I actually started understanding what my life was all about, I started questioning what I was doing with my life, where I was leading it and how it  affected others?

Thanks to all the facilitators for all the efforts and sharing; it has helped me upgrade myself as a human being and given me the strength and confidence to actually take control of “My Life”.

Learning these principles in a group led by someone was my comfort zone because I didn’t have to prepare anything; I didn’t have to practice anything because I was not preaching:):)

But this year when it came to a choice between being part of a group session or leading it, I was lost. Ultimately I had to bell the cat in me and I went ahead with “Feel the fear and do it anyways”.

It started off on a very sincere note of reading the chapters and discussing, copying the strategies of the facilitators to question the person on the hot seat and suggesting ways to solve their issues. But when my turn came I was zapped!!! The brutal (possible) reality was placed in front of me which I had to face, with a group of intellectuals to witness it, no less! And when I did, I felt as if I had lost everything; there was nothing left inside me. Because these fears and fights were “my” deep secrets which i didn’t want the world (i.e. group of 9 people) to know. In short, I didn’t want to be vulnerable in front of others. Yes people, I didn’t want to be a VULNERABLE, weak, hopeless, helpless, stupid, silly person. But when I saw that my group was the same as they were before I shared, I understood that it’s ok to open up, it’s ok to cry and feel helpless, it’s ok to FAIL, to LOSE a BATTLE, to FALL to be SILLY and STUPID. Because we are HUMANS.

Now I ask myself – ‘How bad can things get? How much worse can my situation be? to what extent can people test me? Bring it on…! I am ready; I can handle it!’

And I will handle it because I am POWERFUL and “I” CONTROL MY LIFE!!!

ANITA.