Feel the fear……I mean it!!!!

When I first wrote my reflection in this category, I had really gone through the fear of being vulnerable. And out of a blood rush I wrote ” I can handle it….bring it on!” I never thought I would actually do it. I mean, LIVE it, that I will volunteer to literally feel the FEAR. The word “Fear” is as small as love, kiss, fish, cat, dog….But when you face it…..it’s like a giant, terrifying Godzilla!!

Let me share few instances so that it’s more clear to you as to what do I mean by Godzilla, I mean Fear.

We had all gone to the Orsang trip a couple of years back as a staff nature trip. Basically, it was more of kids picnic, but my son backed out at the last moment. So I had to continue alone.

First fear: Travelling alone: I had never gone out on such a trip alone (without family/friends). I have always travelled either with a bunch of close friends or my family. But this was a kind of trip where I was technically alone. I knew all the staff members very well, but was still “alone”. You know what I mean!!

So, we reached our destination and there I faced my second fear: heights!!!! Ya, you understood, right!! Kruti got the entry tickets for everyone for all the activities. We were all very excited, clicked selfies, enjoyed swings, etc. I observed what others were doing and how they were doing. Frankly speaking, I was looking for a reason to motivate myself as, “Achha itna hi hae, ha, I can do that. It’s a child’s game.” But when reached the spot….. the child in me just ran off as if a rabid dog was after it. But I had chosen it and people were watching me (again, fear of being “Judged”). So I gathered all my courage to go on one of the smallest zip line which was technically for the “Beginners”. Before I tell that bhaiya to just hold on a second he just pushed me and I was like Ahhhhhhhh!!!! Are you mad, You stupid fellow!!!!!!

I could only feel my heart pounding like a dhol. But once I landed on the ground It was like wow!! That was awesome!! I was trembling like a leaf, literally, but it was awesome. I know what you are thinking. Yes, I did thank that bhaiya, but he was like…..usme kya hae….hum toh sabko hi dhakka marte hae…..Well Bhaiyaji, I don’t get such dhakkas everyday!!!

You must be thinking what’s the big deal in that. Well it is. Especially for a person like me who have been a creeper (always dependent) throughout my life, till that day, IT IS a big deal. Today when I think of that day I still get jitters, but not scared. Though my one fear is left: to get on the real zip line, but that will be some other day.:):)

So long story short, face your fear. Nothing can make you feel more alive than facing your fears. For a change, feel that blood rush!!!

Anita.