“Inquiry into truth” 1stNov’2017. Panthi. (Traveller)

When you are on path of Spirituality, you start having this feeling that I know so much about life and its secrets… The I know it all attitude… some how manages to creep in you…

And why not you have heard the lessons of life in so many different forms, 7 Habits, Love class, integrity class, Happiness program, you are more than qualified to state that.  Infact when  you have facilitated life classes you in fact believe that you are certified to “ advise” and share your so called proclaimed GYAN around people who come to you to share their wrath, pain, concerns, worries with you… the superior feeling engulfs, you feel that you are entitled to provide the shoulder, and you are torch whom the people around you are so privileged to have in the jungle of life…

But who knows better than I that at each and every corner, life presents to me in the form of Mahabharata…where is the maturity to identify what is right and wrong at that point of time.

So much of contradiction and hypocrisy in the behaviour, action and there is nothing authentic.

That means the knowledge which I had gained so far was shallow or maybe it required more critical thinking. PAUSE and stop and reconsider my beliefs.

There is this belief in my culture that you get things when you are prepared.

Also there is another important thing which I had heard that and did not believe, “ It is important to have Guru in your life and that you don’t look for the guru, the guru finds you”.

I believed in both but  somehow the Bhagwad Gita classes etched the belief deeper.

I may have attended, conducted workshops, but Gita class this year will stay with me for years to come, you may ask why… may be it prepared me to accept my own ancient scripture and knowledge wholeheartedly, and was it just because it was coming from a Swami ( in a typical American outfit beige pant and blue shirt), who is highly qualified, who has lived in foreign, ( because anything foreign return, is authentic), lived in an Aashram,  NO, it is coming from an accomplished Student. A student, who is on the path of service, who is helping me to see things with a lens which  helps me to magnify the instances in my life so that I can establish connection with  ancient knowledge (which Rujuta says is time tested) with clarity and courage.

 

I also do strongly believe that if you have done enough PUNAYAS you get a guru in your life, you get the  knowledge, only if you deserve..

 

My Father in law had taught this prayer to my children, “Bhagwan, Sadbudhi, apje, Sarva nu Kalyan karje, Mara thi koi nu buru nahi karava toh”.

I was wondering, how will a young child follow this prayer..and why this prayer? There are so many others to chant..

 

But I realised this prayers today….The very same prayers became my lessons from Gita classes.. “ Give me knowledge of Karma bhakti so that I could use in the service of others and not hurt people around me”.

 

Just because its in Sanskrit, I kept myself aloof from Gita, did try reading translated version but found each statement contradicting other and thought, if Lord Krishna is contradicting  each and every statement, this scripture is going to confuse me more rather than guiding me on my path.

But as rightly said “Guru bin Gyan kahase pau” you need a Guru to take you through this humongous volume of verses… which are in SANSKRIT.

 

Why did I opt for this class? Is it because I was already travelling on this path to know and find more answers to the burning questions I had, or was I fooling myself. One more cool workshop of life class an opportunity to proclaim myself as learned..

 

Well none..

Slowly and gradually over the years  after practicing medication… , sitting in silence stepping back,,taking a pause once in awhile, it had began to dawn on me..KNOWING and DOING are two different entities, its so easy to preach and advise and way difficult to implement, infact to me a Herculean task.. Why couldn’t I ? What stops me? Who stops me, to refrain my self from falling into the trap of making myself unhappy, though there is knowledge and experience?

Why Knowledge wasn’t enough to lead me to happiness? I blamed, expectation and desires for my woes. My limited knowledge suggested me to do so..

 

Swamiji said,  “ It’s a privilege to have desires “ it shattered  my prior saintly belief.

How can you have Moksha? When you have desires ? Again a contradiction… Well was this Gita class going to add to my confusion or remove me from the quicksand i was getting dragged into daily. “ You don’t control desires, you change the attitude to look at the results of your desires. Your response and attitude. How you are going to respond to situation and results determine your growth.”

Was thinking of  Moksha, as a subjective element, something that will happen when i die. Was wondering what should  I do that i become free, free of this life and death cycle. (Was also wondering how will I come to know if I have attained moksha) why was I fooling myself   when I had handcuffed myself with desires and results how could I at the same time  thinking of Moksha.

I was ruled by fear, Fear of having desires, and that brought anger in me, I did not have the space and the freewill to chose my action, it was being dictated.. I went out with my emotions…

Only and only when I started meditating regularly, i could create the space to come back to the center and go with my emotions but this time to return to the centre.. The buffer which Swamiji asked to create was slowly creating  space in me like a foetus…I seriously experienced that of course who Else but i was the maker and the material.. I am the conscious being.

To me service and prayers are going to act as a non rusting agent, which will help in polishing my Karmas so that my Dharma shines.