My father visits Gurudwara everyday and my mother spends an hour reading Sukhmani sahib since 40 years. This should say something right away about my religious upbringing. Transitioning from a believer who prayed in silence everyday to a skeptic/atheist, was not just a challenge for me but for my family as well.
So is it my pride and vanity that made me question the omnipresent or I ceased to believe in God after thinking deep on the matter? I remember reading this story a couple of years back which took place in my head’s “Need to rethink” database.
“Somewhere in the world, a little girl has been abducted. There has been no phone call for any sort of ransom. In the matter of days she will be tortured, raped and probably killed by the delinquent, that is kind of confidence we can draw when something so barbaric happens, on the other side, the parents of the same girl are clinging on to a hope that some omnipresent god will save her and she will return without a scratch?” Trying to put myself in the shoes of a parent, I would be frightened significantly especially when I don’t have anything/anyone to pray to. The emptiness and the wait for time to unfold the unknown might also make me unstable.
Then, why choose this route which will make the circumstances even harsher? I asked that question numerous times during the years when I realized I am turning from a staunch believer to an atheist. Being a little mystical would have made the circumstances slightly easier but I wanted to overpower this and be realistic instead. Honestly, I am not always successful.
Reaffirming that I don’t consider myself as a semi god or some superior person who knows and understands everything. I am a normal human being who would like to ask a simple question to the majority (approximately 5.5 billion people) who incidentally I also feel should be obliged to give some proof of the existence of God especially when the stakes are so high in our time. Taking courage, I also wish to ask, “What was God doing when good men and good women during wars, earthquakes, etc etc who had been praying for years and years asked the almighty to show them light during destruction?” Not just that, I think it is morally objectionable for the survivors to think they were saved by the God. So either he couldn’t do much in such radical circumstances or he doesn’t care much.
Either way, my faith couldn’t withstand the onslaught of reason. And even-though I love fantasy world in many ways, I still want to try and be nit-picky for the story I want to fantasize about.
Grappling to hope, faith, direction from God? Is it that bad then? I am not sure. Honestly, I tried to find proof all over internet, books, research papers and finally I couldn’t fight with my own derived conclusion.