Emotional Intelligence — Learning to Understand Myself and Others
The two days of Life Class on Emotional Intelligence and People Management gave me an opportunity to look at something we experience every day but often don’t consciously think about, our emotions and the way they influence our actions. What I found most interesting was that emotional intelligence isn’t about controlling or hiding our emotions. It is about understanding what we feel, recognising what triggers us, and making a conscious choice about how we respond.
One of the concepts that stood out to me the most was the Amygdala Hijack. We often believe that we are making a conscious decision when we react to a situation, but sometimes our emotions take over before we have had the chance to properly process what is happening. A small comment, an unexpected situation, criticism, or even stress can trigger an immediate reaction. This made me reflect on situations where I have responded quickly and only thought about what I said or did afterwards. The biggest learning for me was understanding the difference between a reaction and a response. A reaction is often immediate and emotional, while a response gives us the opportunity to pause, understand the situation and then decide what we actually want to do. That small gap between the trigger and our response can make a huge difference.
Going forward, I want to become more conscious of that gap. Instead of immediately responding when something bothers me, I want to take a moment, understand what I am feeling and then decide whether the situation really requires the reaction I am about to give. It sounds simple, but I realised that it is much harder to practise when we are actually in the middle of an emotional situation. That is probably what makes this learning valuable. It is not something that can simply be understood once; it has to become a habit.
Another concept that made me reflect was the Johari Window. It showed me that there are parts of ourselves that we know, parts that others know, and even certain behaviours or qualities that we may not recognise in ourselves. The idea of blind spots was particularly interesting because it reminded me that our own perception of ourselves isn’t always complete. Sometimes, the people around us can notice patterns in our behaviour that we have become so accustomed to that we don’t see them anymore. This made me realise the importance of being open to feedback. Feedback isn’t necessarily someone pointing out what is wrong with us. Sometimes, it is simply another perspective that helps us see ourselves more clearly.
The second day helped me connect emotional intelligence with leadership and people management. One thing I understood was that leadership isn’t simply about assigning tasks or making decisions. A leader also has to understand the people they are working with, communicate effectively and create an environment where people feel comfortable sharing their ideas and concerns. I particularly connected with the importance of active listening. Listening is more than simply hearing someone speak. It means giving the other person your attention instead of already thinking about what you are going to say next. I realised that sometimes people don’t immediately need advice or a solution. They may simply want to know that someone has genuinely listened to them. Being able to understand that difference can make our conversations and relationships much better.
We also discussed constructive feedback and the SBI framework, Situation, Behaviour and Impact. I found this useful because it provides a way to communicate feedback without turning it into a personal judgement. Instead of making a statement about what someone is as a person, we can focus on what happened, what behaviour we observed and what impact it had. This makes feedback more specific, fair and useful, while also making it easier for the other person to understand what they can actually work on.
If I had to take one thing away from these two days, it would be self-awareness. Before we can manage situations or people effectively, we need to understand ourselves, our emotions, our triggers, our habits and the way our behaviour affects others. I don’t think emotional intelligence means becoming a completely different person or never getting angry, frustrated or overwhelmed. For me, it means becoming more aware of those moments and learning to handle them better.
Sometimes the most important thing we can do is simply pause. Pause before replying, pause before making an assumption, pause before judging someone, and pause long enough to understand what we are actually feeling. These two days made me realise that emotional intelligence is not something that can be learnt in a classroom and then completed. It is something we practise through everyday conversations, challenges, disagreements and relationships.
I may not always get my response right, but being aware of the difference between reacting and responding gives me the opportunity to do better the next time. More than anything, these sessions reminded me that understanding others starts with understanding ourselves. The more aware we become of our own emotions and behaviour, the better equipped we are to communicate, build relationships and eventually lead others effectively.